Really very interesting story I started to read 0030hrs and completed 0250hrs. All the 63 pages engaged me to read the story continuously.
I may be the first fan, writing letter to you for this story.
The sentence “I am searching a word to tell yes” is really wonderful.
The “mirror-image” concept is marvelous.
The following things may be corrected, if you wish.
In page 13 you have written that the girl has noted your number in her palm.
But in page 28 you have written she did not write any where.
In page 49 you have written as brother in law. Is it sister in law?
In the last part of the story, up to throwing the mobile in sea is ok. I could not able to imagine a thrown mobile in sea with shining screen that also moves away continuously. This last concept may be changed with some other way.
Ajay, definitely it will be a wonderful story.
Your story carries the truth of life.
You have shown an innocent girl with quick decision making with lot of love driven by emotion and a well educated boy wanted to love but think about the real facts in life and about the society. Some times knowledge and lack of ignorance hides our 6th sense.
The girl in the story is with full of her heart. The boy in the story is with full of his brain.It is the 100% reality in the life.
Imagination and practical are always different. A plan can make an imagination into practical. In this story the boy had some imagination but never had a plan and don't want any practical due to fear on society.
All are correct when they view the world from the phase of their position. The character of the girls in the mind of boy when he was receiving phone calls would have changed while he was seeing her as his friend’s wife.
On that moment only he would have realized why he missed her offer. He would have thought that he would have processed her formally, traditionally, approached with family. Here two phase of life is there one at Chennai while receiving calls another at Lucknow for her marriage.
Another part of phase going to come in his life may change his previous views on this matter.
Same matter/thing is visualized by a same person in different ways in different phase of life. It is well reflected in your story. You don’t confuse it with theory of relativity. But it is reality.
Here we don’t want the result or effort, what important is the feeling. I hope that both the boy and the girl in the story got it.
Finally the suicide point in the beach was to the end of mobile phone. Here I feel you have compared the mobile phone as the boy’s loved one. He missed it. But the same time others like the security man and murmu are still engaged with mobile phone (i.e with their loved one). This story has very nice end.
Let finish this Anjali. Search some sonali for your next story. I hope this boy soon will get a lattest mobile phone from a girl as gift.
All the best ajay. You became another good writer in my list.
Regards,
C.R. UDAYAKUMAR.
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Re: My Mobile
Dear Ajay,
Really very interesting story I started to read 0030hrs and completed
0250hrs. All the 63 pages engaged me to read the story continuously.
I may be the first fan, writing letter to you for this story.
The sentence “I am searching a word to tell yes” is really wonderful.
The “mirror-image” concept is marvelous.
The following things may be corrected, if you wish.
In page 13 you have written that the girl has noted your number in her palm.
But in page 28 you have written she did not write any where.
In page 49 you have written as brother in law. Is it sister in law?
In the last part of the story, up to throwing the mobile in sea is ok. I
could not able to imagine a thrown mobile in sea with shining screen that
also moves away continuously. This last concept may be changed with some
other way.
Ajay, definitely it will be a wonderful story.
Your story carries the truth of life.
You have shown an innocent girl with quick decision making with lot of
love driven by emotion and a well educated boy wanted to love but think
about the real facts in life and about the society. Some times knowledge
and lack of ignorance hides our 6th sense.
The girl in the story is with full of her heart. The boy in the story is
with full of his brain.It is the 100% reality in the life.
Imagination and practical are always different. A plan can make an
imagination into practical. In this story the boy had some imagination but
never had a plan and don't want any practical due to fear on society.
All are correct when they view the world from the phase of their position.
The character of the girls in the mind of boy when he was receiving phone
calls would have changed while he was seeing her as his friend’s wife.
On that moment only he would have realized why he missed her offer. He
would have thought that he would have processed her formally,
traditionally, approached with family. Here two phase of life is there one
at Chennai while receiving calls another at Lucknow for her marriage.
Another part of phase going to come in his life may change his previous
views on this matter.
Same matter/thing is visualized by a same person in different ways in
different phase of life. It is well reflected in your story. You don’t
confuse it with theory of relativity. But it is reality.
Here we don’t want the result or effort, what important is the feeling. I
hope that both the boy and the girl in the story got it.
Finally the suicide point in the beach was to the end of mobile phone.
Here I feel you have compared the mobile phone as the boy’s loved one. He
missed it. But the same time others like the security man and murmu are
still engaged with mobile phone (i.e with their loved one). This story has
very nice end.
Let finish this Anjali. Search some sonali for your next story. I hope
this boy soon will get a lattest mobile phone from a girl as gift.
All the best ajay. You became another good writer in my list.
Regards,
C.R. UDAYAKUMAR.