There are many ways to destroy our life, but I choose the most beautiful and painful way to destroy it. Guess what, I choose to love someone who will never love me back. Trust me, the happiness, sadness, and the memory you will get in it will be unforgettable one for the whole life. When you close to her you will experience the most beautiful moment of the life. It does not matter either she is your partner or not at that time. It just our imaginary world which gave the place to stay in our life. The moment you will talk to her will be unforgettable conversation. Some calls it is “Love”, while other “Attraction”, but according to me it does not matter what other calls it, the thing that matter is what you feel.
Therefore, as everyone wants a partner to whom they can share there all the problems and the happiness.
I also want someone whom I can share my useless words, I also want someone whom I can hug and feel comfortable, but God forgot to draw my love line in hand. In the last seven years, I never stayed at a place more than two months, so I never tried to be in relationship. No one belief when I says I never fall in love. In last two years, I settled down at a place for the higher education, where I meet someone whom I want to date. I just want her as my partner, I can lose everything to get her. In a month, not a day passes when I did not plan to talk to her but as I see her, I forgot my plan. All the courage I gathered, breakout with just an eye contact. Eye contact gives the vibes that I got caught while killing someone. I always thought, what if she rejects? How I will face her for two years after getting an unforgettable painful memory of rejection.
There is only positive point in one sided love is that there is no rejection in it. We can handle its own self. I did not ever nervous like that even when I was playing my first international volleyball tournament with Japan. As days passed, I realised that I am not the main character of this part of my life. There is no value of anyone’s feeling if he didn’t know how to express it. There is no place for me in her heart.
Then I decided to take my step aback and not to disturb her but there is no undo button in real life. Once you did is your past for the whole life. I tried too much to not look at her face, but I can’t control myself. I don’t know whether I am ok or not. Infect I have big mood swings. One second, I am feeling good the next I am feeling bad. Sometimes, I have emotionally lost to the point of feeling avoid. As if there is no heart at that moment. As if in the bottom of my chest there is nothingness. I prefer to say that everything is fine because it is easier to explain because people never ask me why I am fine? All the days looks same bending into one another. There is a time, when I feel so lost, everything’s looks blur. I put on a mask of happiness so people can’t see how I am struggling. At night, I am alone with my thoughts going round and round in my head without any end. Every night is a battle, I want to sleep but my mind won’t shut up.
I rethink everything, the mistakes, the regrets, everything. I never got a point, why I am stuck in it. Everyone says “KARMA RETURNS” but I can’t think any of my karma which returns to me like that. If this is my faith, then what is my mistake.it is like being stuck in fog. Not knowing where to go. I prefer to take a happy face because even in the hardest time a smile carries a hope that everything will get better a day. It feels like my story ends without any start. It is not just my imagination, it is real. Even I tried to go close to her, it feels like she is getting away from me. My book ends with index only. I always thought that there will be a future where everything will be as I want, but it never came. I can’t realise whether it has started or not. I want to fight with her, I want to make her cry, then to convince her by every action, but it is not going to happened in my life. Always dreamed to say, “The moon is looking beautiful. Isn’t it? {A way to say, “I LOVE YOU”} But life gave the chance to say, “The Sunset Is Beautiful. Isn’t It? {A way of saying the last goodbye.} Afterall As you know, I am a student of mathematics, so I just let that she is my girlfriend and created an imaginary world with her. This book is based on my imagination, where everything happens as I want. In real world nothing happens as I want but this is my world, and I am the god of this world, everything happens as I want. It is my real world. This book is based on imagination only. So don’t take it seriously and feel jealous. I am also single as you are..............