Love Over Lust isn't a book about hating the feeling
of attraction.
The attraction is beautiful. Finding someone
attractive is beautiful. There is nothing wrong with
looking at someone and thinking she/he is beautiful.
Somewhere along the way, however, people confused
attraction with love.
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People look at a beautiful face and say, 'it's love'.
People look at a girl or guy and judge them for
money, the way they dress, their power, their looks,
their status and at some point, we tell ourselves this is
what makes them worthy of being loved. But it
doesn't.
A human being's body is just one small part of them.
Their face is just the first thing you see, their clothing
is just what they choose to wear, their money can
come and go, their popularity can fade, their beauty
will change, but behind it all exists a person. A mind,
a soul, a heart, a personality, and a story that you
probably don't know much about yet.
And that's where love begins.
When you are interested in getting to know the other
person instead of just being attracted to them. When
you are intrigued by what makes them happy, what
makes them nervous, what makes them laugh, what
makes them scared, what they dream about, what
they dislike, and what makes them go quiet. When
you want to know how they laugh when nobody is
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looking, who they are when everyone is not looking,
what kind of things they look for in a person, what
kind of person you are when you are alone with them.
That's the love I wanted to write about.
Because I don't want us living in a world where the
person has to look a certain way to be loved.
I don't want a girl to think she has to be a certain way,
have a certain face, height, body size, skin colour,
clothes and figure to make somebody love her. And I
don't want a boy to think he has to be a certain
height, weight, money, status, look, confidence and
muscles to make a girl love him. You are more than
what they can see.
And the person you love is more than what you can
see. Perhaps this generation has made love feel very
quick. You see someone.
You like what you see.
You talk. You get interested. And before you even
properly know the person, you tell yourself it's love.
But love needs time.
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Love needs conversations.
Love needs patience. Love needs understanding. Love
needs attention.
Love needs effort. Love sometimes needs forgiveness.
Love sometimes needs space.
Love sometimes needs you sitting next to each other
without saying anything.
Love needs consideration. Love needs you putting the
other person's needs before yours. Love needs you
respecting their boundaries. Love needs you to make
them comfortable.
Love needs you keeping them safe.
Love needs you letting them live their life. And
perhaps that's why I chose the title Love Over Lust.
Not because lust is bad.
Not because physical intimacy has no place in a
relationship. But because I believe it has to be
something more than that. Something that remains
even when the Buzz is over.
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Something that lasts when the beauty has gone.
Something that still matters when there is nothing
impressive to show to the world. Love should cause
you to want to learn about a person, not just possess
their body. It should cause you to be interested in
knowing how they are feeling, what they think, how
they have been feeling, what makes them scared, what
makes them smile, what makes them comfortable,
what makes them anxious, what makes them cry, and
when they suddenly go quiet. That's the kind of love I
wanted to write about.
Because I don't want us living in a world where the
girl has to be a certain way, have a certain look, have a
certain body, and a certain size for someone to love
her for real.
And I don't want the boy to think that he has to have
a certain car, body, money, height, abs, muscles, be
good at sports, have a nice body, be a good leader,
have a good job, and be a little arrogant to deserve
someone to love him. Because you and the person you
love are both so much more than what can be seen.
And I want us to have the kind of love that lasts, long
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after the physical beauty is no longer there, the money
has gone, the popularity has faded, the world has
moved on.
But how you made someone feel, while they loved
you, will stay with them for a very long time. So read
this slowly, turn the pages slowly, love slowly. And
just maybe between these words, you will find that we
should believe in Love Over Lust.